I knew a title like this would get your attention!
But seriously... Why is it that when it comes to the discussion of sex, within the church / church body, we treat it as a plague and run from it, instead of taking it for what it is – a DISCUSSION about one of God's very own commands, "Be fruitful and multiply" - Gen. 1:28?
I have thought about this over and over again for months now, and I keep coming back to the question: Is the subject avoided because there is simply no need to discuss it; or do we avoid it because it’s easier to ignore than it is to admit that there IS a need? A BIG NEED.
Now don't get me wrong, I stick to my belief that sex should be saved for marriage, but just because sex is FOR the married, doesn't mean the discussion of sex should be SAVED for marriage. NO, NO... this discussion should be happening as soon as children hit the age of 12, at the latest! Believe it or not, most children know what sex is and some are already having it by the time they are 13 or 14.
Sure we slightly scrape the surface with sermons like "No Ringy- No Zingy," but maybe we would see less of our teens leaving the church or getting pregnant if we were to talk more openly about matters that are relevant to them, and what goes on in the male/female heart and mind. The church should bring in teen moms and allow people to share their personal testimonies regarding pre-marital sex.
A few years ago some friends told me about one of the youth services they decided to sit in on at a church here in Edmonton. Some of the guests, invited to speak, happened to be sharing about their lives before they had gone to Master's Commission (MC). My friends thought the service was very powerful and relevant to what teens are going through now-days... So they were shocked to find out that some of the parents of these teens got their panties in a twist when they discovered their children/teens were exposed to some "detail" during the testimony of a regretted decision to have pre-marital sex... What was the result? The church decided it was better not to allow personal testimonies regarding sexuality to take place.... AVOIDANCE! Parents don't you know that lack of discussion only leads to more curiosity? Ignoring the issue does not solve the problem. It only creates one.
I've chatted with a few friends and I was amazed that some of them never actually had the discussion of sex, or what to expect etc. until their wedding night. So some men and women are going into this night, planning to have sex for the first time with only the perspective of what the media has given them on sex and what to expect. Then when it happens and its nothing like they thought it would be, they are discouraged and disappointed . UPDATE: SEX IS A WORK IN PROGRESS! That's why I think there should be church lingerie parties for brides to be. Let’s give these girls the Wedding Night 101 on what to expect / be prepared for, and share some creative, practical, and affordable tips on how to affirm their partner inside and outside the bedroom. Let's embrace our sexuality and the gift God's given us, instead of avoiding the subject, and giving the "eye roll of disapproval" when these events take place... Oh, and MEN, don't think that once you put a ring on the girl's finger your work is done... NO, NO you can still learn a thing or two about romance and how to keep that fire burning. GUESS WHAT? IT'S OKAY TO TALK ABOUT IT!
What about those couples who are already married and are having trouble with their sex life or marriage in general? It's not the easiest subject to openly admit if there is a problem. Who do they go to within the church to discuss this issue? Yes they can go to friends or family, but why don't we have open discussions regarding being intimate with our spouses? Women to women, and men to men. No, I'm not talking about discussing love making techniques or disclosing private details about being intimate, but rather discussing the humour, fun, and romance of those moments with your partner. Why can't we gain fresh insight and new strategies for life-long love?!
We are hearing about it more and more... people are turning to pornography for satisfaction, couples are having emotional affairs, and even PASTORS are having affairs! STILL DON'T THINK THERE IS A NEED? Maybe if we were actually open and willing to talk about these issues, people would be more comfortable to go for help when problems arise.
Thankfully Simon and Ruth Clarence of 'Two-gether Ministries’ ARE open to discussing these issues. Their job is to help enhance and enrich the sexual aspect of Christian marriages through seminars and literature. They also have seminars on how to have age-appropriate conversations with your children about healthy sexuality.
C'mon people, let's embrace SEX, and be OPEN to discussing it. We need to take it for what it is... A GOOD GOD- GIVEN GIFT!
xoxo Britt
